Maryann Hartzell-Curran

from We to Me


The Rear Window

By

As they rolled my gurney down the hallway, I looked up and saw bright neon lights.  There were two people pushing me as we rounded several corners. I closed my eyes in prayer realizing that I could be very ill.  My life pictures played in my head as I conversed with God. The prayer rested on my lips…be with me Lord.

Thus began a new chapter in my life.  Now the pages of life would include a close monitoring of my heart, new medication, and the realization again of my mortality.  Looking back on those moments, I am thankful to have had this time to review this important change.

The two attendants launched me and the gurney into the back of the ambulance. The woman sat across from me and the man went to the driver’s seat, started the engine and left the parking lot.  What happened next made a big impression on me.

Looking backwards, I could only see through a dirty window. Treetops glided by, birds flew high in the clouds and I could recognize street signs upon arrival in intersections. Because the attendants were busy “attending” me, I played a game called…Where am I?

Having lived in Daytona for almost twelve years, I was able to view this familiar world from a reclined position. I enjoyed the scenery as it slipped by and I could hear traffic sounds and the police radio blaring in the front seat. All of sudden, the driver called out.  “Fatality on the Boulevard. Thirty years old jumped from the back of a pickup truck and landed on her head. Guess she had a fight with her boyfriend according to the arriving police officer.”

Thirty years old? Jumped from a truck? Had her whole life ahead of her? Maybe hit by another vehicle? All of this raced through my mind as we continued on our journey to the next destination.  A big Why…kept shouting in my head!

7833530_sThoughts became reality as I was transported in the ambulance. I thought about how I was sixty-nine years old, possibly having a heart attack, and wanting to live another thirty years.  How different our desires as I compared myself to the young woman who had made a choice to jump!

Almost to our destination, I commented about looking through the rear window. The spunky female attendant nodded her head. “Yes,” she said. “I have spent the last fourteen years seeing life going backwards through that window.” I now nodded my head understanding yet another viewpoint in life.

Upon arrival, the gurney and me were whisked down the long, dark hallway and eventually parked in a cold, sterile room.  I signed the necessary papers and they helped lift me onto the hospital bed. “We promise that this will be a whole lot more comfortable for you.” They said simultaneously.  I thanked them and said goodbye.  Guess, I was ready for the next new experiences.

I quietly thanked God for his caring hand as two bubbly, well-trained nurses came into the room.  “We are here to take care of you.” Said almost like a song. In addition, I knew they would, but this time I would see them in front of me, not behind. There was only one direction to go now…forward for the rest of my life!

I wish the young woman who had died on the boulevard that night had had another chance. Perhaps with this impossible wish, I should live my life even fuller. I needed to remember again how precious life could and was each day. In fact, as I listen to my beating heart, I am reminded of the choices we all make. Some are given a second chance…but some are not! I was…

 

Thank you to all my followers and greetings to my new ones. Many of you were introduced to my work after reading my first book, FROM WE TO ME…letters to my friend. This was published in the fall of 2013 and has enjoyed some success. Many of those who have read the book have written encouraging comments, saying it was helpful to those who are experiencing grief.

And now…. I’m introducing my second book, From Me to We. Lots of people have asked me why I wrote it, and it’s because I wanted to share my years after the first year, detailed in From We to Me, with readers. I always emphasize that my experiences are just that… mine… and hopefully they will open people’s eyes inviting them to have similar ones. I keep my sense of humor throughout the book but also emphasize how difficult a lot of days were without my husband. Written in three parts, Section One, is how I grew up,  after the death of my husband, Section Two, the beginning of my socializing again, Section Three… taking a chance, falling in love and marrying again.  The stories are candid and the information honest and straightforward.  I’m hoping the book will help lots of people.

I continue to write my Overcoming Grief Blog and have written many stories on my Facebook page. Reading your responses has touched me deeply and given me a nudge to keep on writing. I invite you to spend some time exploring the resources and ideas within my website:

– If you’re looking for a gift for someone who has recently lost their spouse, my first book From We to Me is an ideal way to offer comfort.

– Feeling down and need some inspiration? Read some of my short stories based on experiences with my grief groups as well as personal experience in the Overcoming Grief blog section.

– Did you know I lead grief groups? I am a professional who speaks from the heart. Whether you are looking to start a grief group series or you want her to speak at your next event, contact us. I can bring wisdom and humor to those who need it most.

– If you enjoy sharing tidbits about your childhood with your grandchildren, you may enjoy some of my memoirs posted in Letters to my Granddaughter. I know a lot of you will relate to these letters, and I invite you to write your own.

SO…Welcome to you all. Thank you for all of your support over the years as I made my transition FROM WE TO ME and then FROM ME TO WE.

Listen to Maryann on The Author’s Show Podcast

What people are saying about "From Me to We"

This is a journey of courage; one that we will all travel someday.

"I have known Mary for almost 25 years and have read many of her manuscripts. From We to Me is...

~ Dr. Lynn Deegan, Psy. D.

Maryann Hartzell-Curran
2019-05-01T11:46:04-04:00

~ Dr. Lynn Deegan, Psy. D.

"I have known Mary for almost 25 years and have read many of her manuscripts. From We to Me is by far the most beautiful of her works. She painstakingly shares her memories of the first 365 days of her life as a widow, including moving events most of us would be too embarrassed to reveal.  I recommend this to not only those who have lost a loved one, but to anyone who is afraid to feel.  This is a journey of courage; one that we will all travel someday.”

Thank you again for your beautiful gift.

“I’ve read 38 letters…I am taking my time and reading few each night enjoying each letter. I always find something...

~ Nanette

Maryann Hartzell-Curran
2019-05-01T11:46:35-04:00

~ Nanette

“I’ve read 38 letters…I am taking my time and reading few each night enjoying each letter. I always find something that I can relate to in losing my parents and even my cat, KitKat.  Yesterday was 11 months since Dad had died and I found myself getting out of bed last night and going into his room to talk to him. I love the story of JT and Kelly walking in your footprints…how wonderful. Thank you again for your beautiful gift.”

She is honest and that is what most of us need…

"What makes FROM WE TO ME different than other books on grief is the openness of the author and her...

~ Neal

Maryann Hartzell-Curran
2019-05-01T11:47:04-04:00

~ Neal

"What makes FROM WE TO ME different than other books on grief is the openness of the author and her honesty with her feelings. Not kid gloves but boxing gloves are a good way to illustrate how she treats the elements of her loss e.g. anger, fear and regret. She is honest and that is what most of us need when a loss inflicts pain on our “perfect” worlds. Thank you Maryann.”

Her words spoke to me, reassuring me…

“I loved Maryann’s first book for many reasons -- the main one that when I read it, my husband of...

~ Patricia B.

Maryann Hartzell-Curran
2019-05-01T11:48:26-04:00

~ Patricia B.

“I loved Maryann’s first book for many reasons -- the main one that when I read it, my husband of 55 years had just died. Her words spoke to me reassuring me that my feelings were a lot like hers and my day to day walk alone was comforted by God’s love. I can’t wait to read the new book because I have started dating and have lots of questions. I know she will cover that in her new book, FROM ME TO WE.”
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Maryann Hartzell-Curran