On our last trip to Florida in the Spring of 1998…I share these memories with you. All of the what ifs we think about…are normal and real to us all.
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Sitting on a windy beach John and I leaned against each other, and I suggested, “Why don’t we just stay here and wait to see what will happen?” Words that appeared normal were really posing a question about the rest of my husband’s life. In actuality, he had five months left to live. We had chosen not to proceed with further treatment for his cancer.
Now almost twenty years later, I muse as to what would have happened if we had stayed on that beach. Maybe instead of a house, we would have lived in a pitched tent, eaten fresh fish caught in the ocean for our dinner and fallen asleep under the stars wishing on them each night. Perhaps, we would have made new clothes from palm fronds, filtered seawater through green leaves, and taken long naps on soft, warm sand. Perhaps…
But of course, we did none of those things. Instead, we visited friends for the last time, attended church with our beloved pastor in Naples, Florida, and boarded the plane back to Chicago’s snow covered terraces. We had to go home and we did. Home was what he longed for and I accepted that even though the glow of the warm, tropic winds still tingled my ears.
I still think…what if?
Thank you to all my followers and greetings to my new ones. Many of you were introduced to my work after reading my first book, FROM WE TO ME…letters to my friend. This was published in the fall of 2013 and has enjoyed some success. Many of those who have read the book have written encouraging comments, saying it was helpful to those who are experiencing grief.
