A Denial

Written in memory of my first husband’s passing nineteen years ago, I share my observations of the courage it takes to look ahead in the shadow of illness.

A week after John died, my beloved niece was getting married.  Of course the timing was rough and my not attending would have been an option.  But a voice, perhaps his, kept whispering in my ear. “Go,” was what I heard — and I listened.

My very wise husband, early that spring, even before he got sick, told our niece that her request of his reading at her wedding probably would not be a good idea.  I remember feeling sad and also surprised when he uttered those words.  They were walking arm and arm in front of me as we strolled to a restaurant in Florida. I could see her little shoulders fall upon receiving this answer.

Months later — a week after his funeral with all of us still in shock — she called, marveling at “Uncle Johnny’s wisdom.”  My head wagged and my broken heart skipped a few beats, but her answer was now affirmed. He would not be at her wedding… but I would.

My sister lovingly did that reading and I believe her voice was also John’s.  She was the next best thing to him and the perfect choice in the absence of her beloved brother-in-law. I still think about this poignant story and looking back, feel that his unselfishness and choice were almost a premonition!

This leads me to ponder the universal question: “Do our loved ones look into the future differently than we do?”  Think about it!