My Dearest Grandchild,

divorceToday, I am going to attempt to tell you about divorce.  Of course, you understand it already as well as any nine-year-old child can.  I think we need to emphasize your age agreeing that no matter how old you are, divorce hurts everyone concerned.  I want to share a little story with you.

When I was sixteen, my parents, your great grandparents, had a terrible fight.  They were usually quiet people and my sister and brother and I had never heard them argue, so this was very disturbing.  I was decorating the top of our Christmas tree when they started. As the moments went by, their voices escalating, I raised my voice, defending my mother.  As my father crossed the room towards me, my mom threw a brass candlestick, narrowly missing my dad. But he continued toward me, shaking his finger, and saying, “Never come between your mother and me again and do not pick sides.”

Well, years later, I can still see their faces, hear their raised voices and feel my heart skipping a few beats.  Anger does things to people changing who they ordinarily are and it obviously changed me as I relive this memory.  Eventually, later in the day, they quietly talked and evidently resolved the problem.  No one was hurt physically, but emotionally is another story.

One good thing that comes out of any conflict, is the chance to change things.  Most of the time this works and is called COMMUNICATION.  But sometimes there is no chance to retrieve old feelings and people part.  My parents never did divorce, but after that, they came close on several occasions.

Your experience is yours alone, but I think you are managing it very well.  The camp your parents had you attend, your counselor, your church and understanding teachers have all helped your family to adjust.  The good thing with divorce is that it removes the loud fighting and brings peace to a family again.  I think your parents have done an excellent job trying to keep calmness in your life.  As your Dad always says, I want her to be a nine-year-old for as long as possible.  That of course, goes for all the years ahead in your future.

So, my dearest child, I am telling you how proud I am of you and how much I love you.  I know you will continue to flourish with love from both of your parents and time will heal your pain.  I think one day you will look back and smile knowing that all of the support, love, nurturing and care you received made you who you are. I believe this with all my heart.  After all, you are my grandchild and strength exudes from each living cell in your body. Always keep your chin high, your eyes open and your mouth full of praise.  That is the advice I pass on to you!

Always your,